Cynic in Spain

Real Life on the Costa del Sol


I stand before you today the proud bearer of my first denuncia, what’s more it’s only taken me five years to achieve this rarified status, that must be, at least for me, some kind of record.

Even in countries noted for their attachment to liberty I’ve managed to upset the powers that be faster than it takes to say “it’s a fair cop, guv”. I mean, come on guys, what’s going on here, after all I’ve driven under the influence of substances varying from the alcoholic to the downright stupid, broken more laws of the land than I’ve had ‘cerveza con tapa’ and what happens? Nothing, nada, not a jot.

I explain in my broken, halting Spanish that I’m just a poor ignorant visitor to this fair metropolis, smile vacantly and off I go, less trouble than it’s worth to fill out the paperwork.

How did I manage it this time? I cheated, I turned myself in, yes, that’s right, I wandered up to the cop shop, told the nice man at the desk that I needed denouncing then waited and waited and waited and waited then smiling vacantly I explained in my halting broken Spanish that I wanted to be denounced and lo and behold another nice man did just that as, as it were, I waited.

Now, you may well be asking yourself “Why do this? What madness brought about this selfless act of public service?” I shall divulge all.

Did you know that when some nameless bastard steals your passport the ONLY alternative is a photoless, numberless, unverifiable piece of paper stating that some nameless bastard has done just that, duly signed and stamped by the aforementioned nice men in blue.

Forget a driving licence, complete with recent picture, don’t even think about that photocopy of your passport that you had made for just such an eventuality and leave any other piece of Id you may have at home, a denuncia is what it takes to make anything happen.

If you can stand the wait, go and get one now before it’s too late then you can safely store your real documents somewhere they won’t get nicked.

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  1. boa tarde gostaria de pedir a desativação do site a seguir pois o mesmo não é verdadeiro é usado apenas para difamar o governador Confucio moura
    por favor verifiquem a veracidade do blog e o desativem ou passem um endereço ou telefone para que possamos fazer o pedido via judicial!!!

    Comment by cleber | October 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I am presuming the above is in Portugese. Sorry not one of my languages. Try again in English

      Comment by cynicspain | January 30, 2011 | Reply

      • OK..hmmm. Just google translated the Portugese and got the following:

        Good afternoon I would ask the deactivation of the site below as it is not true is used only to defame the Moorish governor Confucius
        Please verify the veracity of the blog and spend a disabling or address or phone number so we can make the request a court!

        To which I can only reply


        Comment by cynicspain | January 30, 2011

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